Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
