we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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