I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
