im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
