It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
