if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
