i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
