...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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