if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
