You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
