but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
