I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
