It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
