yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
