i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
