Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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