I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
