i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
