he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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