Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
