Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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