i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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