There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
