You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
