Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
