do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
