We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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