Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize