so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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