I'm an idiot
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
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Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome