So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
