Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.