I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.