I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself