is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
