he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
