Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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