The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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