i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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