There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
