my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
