Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
