Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
