loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
