had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
