i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
