ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
