i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
