i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
