one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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