I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
