I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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