can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
