After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
