I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
