In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i've created a new STD.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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