four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
