I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
