So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
