Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
