oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
