i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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