he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
