so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
