Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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