for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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