Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
