Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
